Written By: Sasha Robinson
Don’t be confused by the title. This is not an article that will persuade you to believe that you should be single for the rest of your life. For some, being #single is a sport. They enjoy the variety that comes along with casual #dating, and living with no #commitments. But then there are ones that have been #hopeless in the game of love who don’t realize that this time is more of a #blessing than a #curse. Still can’t see the forest for the trees? Let me explain.
Satisfyingly single means that you find #contentment in this temporary season of your life. It is my firm belief that in order for this world to grow, #reproduction must ensue. Therefore, my sister, there IS most definitely someone out there for YOU, searching in the sands of time.
The waiting game is tough when you know you have everything to offer with absolutely no
prospects. During the first four years of my #singleness, I was absolutely #miserable. There was absolutely no way by the popular vote that I should have been single. I was #beautiful, and I had a great sense of #humor. I kept a good job. I was #intelligent, but I didn’t see what everyone else saw, and that’s why none of my relationships ever worked. To make it worse, everyone I broke up with wasn’t in another #relationship, I had just gotten tired of them for the moment. So you can imagine after 4 years of being #single how many times I thought about creeping back off the ledge of waiting for “Mr. Right” and making due with “Mr. Right Now.” In the age of “Netflix and Chill” it can be difficult going without temporary #companionship. I struggled with this part and If I would have remained in that place I would have found myself in the wash, rinse, and repeat cycle of modern dating that leads to subliminal instagram post and subsequent erratic Facebook lives. But one day, I had an AHA moment- an #epiphany, so to speak. It occured to me that God allows everything to happen for a reason.The bible says in Philippians 4:19 that God will supply all our needs according to his riches and glory by Christ Jesus and God said in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good for man to be alone and with that he created Eve.
It occured to me that when it came to the game of love, mistakes weren’t really mistakes at all. They were merely opportunities to regroup and rethink.
From this #perspective, I was able to put two and two together and come to the conclusion that there had to be someone out there for me. So in order to calm the #storm of self defeat that was wrecking my entire being, I decided to make some small, simple changes to achieve monumental #happiness in my single life. The first step I took was:
1) I stopped waiting for my Boaz
Christian women everywhere…. I implore you…..THROW THIS WHOLE STATEMENT AWAY!
I love to drive and listen to music. One night I was driving home from work and I decided to take the long way home which took me down a long, and dark rural highway. As I was riding and singing my favorite song I came to a deer that was just lying in the middle of the road. It
appeared that she had already been hit, but because the road was so dark I didn’t see her lying there until it was too late and unfortunately I hit her too. “What does this have to do with me finding my Boaz?” is the question you’re asking right about now. It has everything to do with it. When we use the term “Waiting for Boaz” we sound just like that deer. We make it sound like we as Christian women are victims who have been hit and hurt so many times that now we’re just waiting for the next thing to come along and smack us again. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t.. This is a horrible #misrepresentation of us! It’s one thing to wait, but it’s another thing to actively wait. Oftentimes, women who are waiting on their #Boaz don’t even position themselves to be found, or what’s worse, they position themselves in a #saturated place. Everyone’s looking at conferences, and revivals, that’s why so many of us come up short. It’s everyone’s goal to find a God fearing man, but he may not walk into your church or even your workplace . He may walk into somewhere #unconventional. We oftentimes make it a point of business to find a man. You never know what interest you may have hidden inside that could lead you to your prize. For example, if it’s always been your dream to write a book. Take a writing class. You may meet someone with the same goals as you. #Perfection. Another example, if you like to eat, look into social events that may be taking place at some of the cities most popular eateries. While making it possible to be found, you may actually find yourself. Don’t let life pass you by waiting on a companion, I promise you, you’ll miss what you need every time.
2) I took inventory of the past
The past can be a tool. I finally realized this after allowing it to affect me negatively for so long. My self esteem was taking a turn for the worse every time I saw an ex with someone else. For years I was scared to even dip my big toe into the dating pool out of fear that once again I would end up alone. It’s so easy to think that after yet another #failed relationship, YOU are the problem. I thought because I kept finding myself by myself that I was #deficient in standard. If
the woman he left me for was skinnier, I thought next time I got into a relationship, I would need to be a 10 pounds lighter. If the woman he ended up with had longer hair, I would start to look for longer bundles. If this is you I’m here to tell you, the only problem is you just keep picking the wrong one. Personally, I was always attracted to the “hood” type. Almost every man I dated had a criminal background of some sort and drove some kind of car with wheels that cost more than the blue book value. I continued on that cycle for years before I decided that I had to change the type of man I was interested in. The fact of the matter was, the men I chose didn’t even have the same upbringing as me. How could I marry and have children with a man who didn’t even understand the principles that I was raised on that shaped and formed me into the well rounded woman that was in front of him? Changing your interest in men may seem like a small thing, but it’s necessary. If you want to confidently move towards a successful relationship, you have to stop returning to the same path. Thank God for growth!
3) I saw me
The last serious relationship I was in was perfect. My mom and my daughter loved him! #Marriage was inevitable, but he had a hidden #agenda, and when it ended I was devastated. I
discovered that he wasn’t the one when a woman sent me a friend request on social media and I viewed countless pictures of her in the SAME house that I had spent time in for the last 11 months. I learned just how small of a world it was and it was so life-changing I almost gave up on love completely after that fail. What I’m about to tell you next will sound like an episode of Iyanla Vanzant's "Fix my Life", but one day I was crying, and I went and stood in the mirror and looked at myself while I was crying (like we all do from one time or another). And I took off everything that I wasn’t born with. I took off my wig. I took off my lashes. I took off my makeup. And, I just took a good hard look. By taking so much pride in the superficial, I was attracting men who were only #attracted to the #superficial. I made the decision, at that point, to fall in love with the woman that God created, and that was when I became confident with the process of being single. We have to love ourselves before we have to love ourselves in the same way we expect them to. Unconditionally.
Being single is not a curse. In fact it can be an #empowering experience. During this season of my life I have discovered that I am #stronger than I thought I was. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says that Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. The single life is work. It’s work to stay content, when it seems like everyone else around you is #winning. It also takes will power. You have to know how to stand your ground when the one you reluctantly let go comes back around swearing up and down he’s a changed man. But in the end you know it will all be worth it. Anything worth having is worth working for. Every moment in this period of your life is bringing you one step closer to the one God has for you and taking you from being satisfyingly single to united and #fulfilled.
Written By: Sasha Robinson
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