Written By: Dr. Angelique Johnson
If there is one thing I want more than anything it is a #husband. Sure, I’ve had men declare they were the one, and a ring or two have been purchased, but let me clarify. I don’t just want A husband. I want THE husband. The husband #God promised. The one who matches all the things on my non-negotiable list, which, by the way, is written on a mat that I can literally sit on top of. I want the husband I see when I lay on top of that mat, as Elijah did the widow’s son, and cry out, “My Lord God.. !” (1 Kings 17:21, Holman Christian Standard Version), I want that promise.
So, one day I was #struggling with this #desire and God took me to 1 Samuel 1. He took me to the story of Hannah and her unmet desire for a child. He took me to the verses where her
husband’s other (more fertile) wife teased her unborn #promise. He took me to the verse where her husband exclaimed “Am I not better to you than 10 sons?” (1 Samuel 1:8, Holman Christian Standard Version). He took me to the spot where she made the #pilgrimage every year for the #purpose of praying over this promise, and the lack of a response from God. At last, He took me to her prayer. The #prayer where she vowed that she would #sacrifice her son to God as a high priest if only He would remember her. Well, we know in the end Hannah gets her son, and she does indeed give him up to be raised as a Levite #priest. He turns out to become the last great Judge Samuel, and he will go on to anoint the great #king David.
At the time I saw myself as #Hannah. I was Hannah. I just knew she felt my pain. I thought God was telling me to hold on and have #faith. I believed He was showing me a #testimony of what He could do, and that He has not forgotten about me. I was wrong.
I see it now for what it was, God showing me my #idolatry. We look at the story of Hannah and we see one of #faith and #provision. However, we miss the undercurrent of idolatry. Hannah wanted that child more than she wanted God. She didn’t make the #pilgrimage to spend time
with God. She made it to get her son, and, as far as I can see, the Bible never states that God promised her a son to begin with. Although her #husband was speaking on his own behalf, I can’t help but feel that he was also expressing God’s thoughts. “Am I not better to you than 10 sons?” She wanted the baby for #vain reasons. She wanted to stop the teasing of her husband’s other wife. At that time, a woman's worth was her #womb, and she wanted the #value that came with bearing a son. No matter how much her husband doted on her, she was #worthless in her own eyes and her only solution was a son. He was her only desire, and that is the crux of idolatry.
It wasn’t until Hannah aligned the #desires of her heart with God that she escaped the realm of idolatry. She still wanted a son, but she was willing to birth it for the sole purpose of giving it away to God. In that single #vow, she committed herself to the worship of God. She sacrificed the promise of her own making and God gave her one of His. He promised her a son - one that was destined to be born all along. True to her word, Hannah gives Samuel away at the age of two, her only son. However, in the next few chapters something #miraculous happens. After she sacrifices the very thing she had #prayed so hard for, God gives it back five fold. She goes on to have three more sons and two daughters.
When I received this message, at the time, I wanted a #husband more than God. I was not at peace without one. It was constantly on my mind. So, I asked God, “What does this mean for me? What does it mean to #sacrifice my Husband? How can I have him, and at the same time, give him away? I just don’t understand.” And I felt him say, “Let go of THAT Husband.” . . .And, only he and I know just what He means.
Written By: Dr. Angelique Johnson
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